Uneducated First Time Mama - But Still Proud.

Lately, I've been feeling guilty. Like i didn't make the right choices for Leahs birth or while she was an infant. I am ever so thankful for all of the support i receive from the lovely mamas on twitter. Life is easier with them in it. :') That being said, I've learned so much from them as well. I've learned things i never would have from just reading online or in books about pregnancy, birth, and infants. I really do wish i had been this educated while i was pregnant. There's nothing i can do about it now other than keep that information locked away in my brain for the next baby - whenever that may be.

I did experience a traumatic birth with Leah and there are so many things i could have done that COULD of helped. I'll never know. I'll never know if i had gotten a midwife, would that have been able to prevent Leah being strangled by her own umbilical during pushing. Or if there was something i could have done to prevent the use of foreceps. I'll never know a lot of things.
Only at 30 weeks did i find out that a previous ultrasound had found cysts on her brain at 18 weeks. Only at 36 weeks did i find out she had the cord wrapped around her neck twice.
Even before asking me what i wanted my OB told me "You're more than likely going to get an epidural. Because I've seen woman go naturally, and its not pretty".
There are a lot of things that i could have done. But instead of listing off any other i didn't do, i say the things i did do.

I found out i was pg at just 5 weeks and took my prenatal vitamin faithfully, everyday until i stopped breastfeeding.
I stayed as active as i could (walking to work, exercising)
Matt and i took prenatal classes, which ended 2 weeks before my edd.
I ate healthy and went to every doctors appointment.

And in the end, No matter the difficulties we had along the way, my beautiful 7lb 11oz baby girl came into the world just fine. She's still healthy and as smart as ever. Im blessed beyond words to have her. Everyday she makes me laugh.
My positive way of looking at it: whatever i did or didn't do, she's here and we love her and she loves us.
Its these next years that really count to help guide her to become the person she chooses to be. I am her mother and her role model. I can't screw this up. I won't screw this up.