Something clicked in today and made me think. I'm definetly the most indecisive person i know. And it scared the hell out of me.
How is it possible to be so afriad of commitment?
I don't want to provide an unstable foundation for my children.
How is it possible to be so afriad of commitment?
I don't want to provide an unstable foundation for my children.
I am 22 years old and i dont know what i want to do with my life. I don't know where its going. Does that make me a bad person? A bad mother?
I know 17 year olds who know exactly what they want to do with their lives and when they are going to do it. Seventeen!! When i was 17 i was suppose to graduate highschool, but didnt. I decided to screw my life up just enough so i can learn the hardest way possible.
Since then, i think i've changed my mind at least 10 times on what i want to do career wise. I always find a reason or an excuse as to why i change my mind.
Since then, i think i've changed my mind at least 10 times on what i want to do career wise. I always find a reason or an excuse as to why i change my mind.
My mom has gone to college 4 times. Hair styling, social worker, dental assistant, and hair again. Finally, shes sticking to hair. But who knows for how long.
My problem here, is that ive changed my mind so many time on a career path that i'm afraid i'll put money into something i don't like at all once i start it, and actually get out in the field.
My problem here, is that ive changed my mind so many time on a career path that i'm afraid i'll put money into something i don't like at all once i start it, and actually get out in the field.
Today, Matt said to me "If i get this promotion we can finally start saving for a house."
I told him i don't want a house. But i do. I just cant.
I want our house to be our "forever home". Maybe move houses twice. Tops. To me, buying a house at this age and so unsure about what we are going to do with the rest of our lives or where its going to take us, is unnerving. My family lives out east. His family is all here. In the past we both have dicussed that we would LOVE to live out east, some day.
After talking about it for a while he comes back and says to me "So, you'd rather jump from apartment to apartment or town house to town house than live in your own home? I don't."
I want our house to be our "forever home". Maybe move houses twice. Tops. To me, buying a house at this age and so unsure about what we are going to do with the rest of our lives or where its going to take us, is unnerving. My family lives out east. His family is all here. In the past we both have dicussed that we would LOVE to live out east, some day.
After talking about it for a while he comes back and says to me "So, you'd rather jump from apartment to apartment or town house to town house than live in your own home? I don't."
And thats not what i want.
I'm just... afraid.
I'm just... afraid.
I feel like the most unstable, inconsistent, and unpredictable individual ever. I don't feel like its normal. It can't be. Its one of the worst feelings ever -- to not know what you truley want.
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you sweetie. I changed careers a lot too and I'm 30 now and still unsure with what I'll do next year when I go back from mat leave. I do believe tho we will only know what's right for us after we attempted it. I say go for what you think you want. If you decide on something to take in college, my advice is to finish it, don't quit. There is nothing wrong about education, even if you change your mind later. You are very young still so don't worry about changing your mind with things, if thats what you need to do to get where you need to be ;) make sense.
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