Matched By Ally Condie

Cassia has always trusted the Society to make the right choices for her: what to read, what to watch, what to believe. So when Xander's face appears on-screen at her Matching ceremony, Cassia knows with complete certainty that he is her ideal mate... until she sees Ky Markham's face flash for an instant before the screen fades to black.

The Society tells her it's a glitch, a rare malfunction, and that she should focus on the happy life she's destined to lead with Xander. But Cassia can't stop thinking about Ky, and as they slowly fall in love, Cassia begins to doubt the Society's infallibility and is faced with an impossible choice: between Xander and Ky, between the only life she's known and a path that no one else has dared to follow.

When the back cover referenced this as similar to Lois Lowry's The Giver, it was immedietly on my "to-read" list. The Giver was a story i will always remember and has a sentimental-sort of value to me.
That is why i liked this. Its pretty much the exact same. Except its based on a love story. From the beginning, i loved Xander, and i couldnt care for Ky at all. But like Cassia, i found myself falling for Ky more and more. And, in the end, like Cassia, i found my heart aching for Xander. However, i do have questions that im not sure were clarified or not in the book; what happens to Xander if he ends up without Cassia? Does he get matched with someone else, or does he become a Single?

 It was an enjoyable, engaging read, but it more often tends to be melodramatic and overwritten at times. Because the pacing is slow, It's a deliberate build, more introspective than action. However, I found it compulsively readable. I casually sailed through the first 2/3's and then the final third really comes into it's own. By then it felt like the story was into it's own completely addictive groove and by the time it ended, I was ready to pick up the next installment.

Divergent By Veronica Roth

In Beatrice Prior's dystopian Chicago, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue—Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is—she can't have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself.

During the highly competitive initiation that follows, Beatrice renames herself Tris and struggles to determine who her friends really are—and where, exactly, a romance with a sometimes fascinating, sometimes infuriating boy fits into the life she's chosen. But Tris also has a secret, one she's kept hidden from everyone because she's been warned it can mean death. And as she discovers a growing conflict that threatens to unravel her seemingly perfect society, she also learns that her secret might help her save those she loves . . . or it might destroy her.

Debut author Veronica Roth bursts onto the literary scene with the first book in the Divergent series—dystopian thrillers filled with electrifying decisions, heartbreaking betrayals, stunning consequences, and unexpected romance.



I did not like this book.
I LOVED it!
I have to admit, my first impression of this book wasnt a good one. Somehow i came in contact with a book trailor that im no longer able to find. It contained so much action and just seemed way over board for me. Boy, was i wrong. And, whoever posted that video i watched needs to remove it because its not at all what the book is like. Veronica Roth delivers the story so incredibly easy, but detailed and so intriguing that you just don't want to stop reading. Its interesting from the very first chapter. It makes for a very smooth read.

I love "Tris" from the moment when she jumped off the train. I knew what kind of character she was going to be. I, too, fell inlove with "Four" the minute he grabbed for "Tris's" hand. He's just delicious. I just want more of them. More!
This book is so compelling and indulging. Veronica's words are just unearthly the way she peices the story together. Its hard to believe she's (only) almost 2 years older than me. She's a genius, and i NEED Insurgent, now!
Go read this. If your debating, because your not sure, just do it. Its very unlikely you'll regret it ;)

Four Years With My Bestfriend

"The extent of your consciousness is limited only by your ability to love and to embrace with your love the space aroud you, and all it contains." -Napolean Bonaparte

Time flies when you spend pretty much a year being pregnant and then two years as a family of 3. These last 4 years have been full of laughs, love, cuddles, stress, struggles, and fun! Its been an adventure so far and im not ready to end it any time soon.
It isnt always easy but we make things work. We are just as in love as we ever were, its just hard to show somedays, and occassionally it gets put on the back burner. But, our relationship is as strong as ever. Our daughter makes us laugh everyday, we wouldnt change one thing. We are so grateful and thankful for our health and family.

He is my prince charming; a chivalrist, funny and quorky, laid back and loving. He's everything i could ever ask for. I Love Him.

My world

Today marks 4 years with my bestfriend. How lucky am i? I Love You. Always have, always will.

December 28, 2007 <3
 (We were 18 here)

"Yesterday is gone.  Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."

 -Mother Theresa

Christmas, An Anniversary, AND a Birthday!

Well, Santa didn't bring what i asked for. *pouts* No undisturbed nights for this mama. Not yet anyways.
I did, however, get most of what i asked for from DP & L. I got a camera, books: Catching fire & Mockingjay by susanne Collins, underwear, a crock pot, a roaster, and some very nice earrings, along with a few other little nick nacks. L also got spoiled, of course.

(not shown: Kitchen set, key board and a couple dolls, ad an electric broom)

We still have about 5 gifts that arent opened and arent shown in the picture. I can't believe how much stuff she got. We have so much family, i think next year we are going to keep the gifts minimal from us.

And NOW, we have her birthday coming up in 4 days! Sadly, we dont have many people coming. I would of loved to have a few more kids coming. We possibly have only one kid coming. Oh well, they'll still have fun. I have a couple things for her, plus money from some family, my mom has stuff for her, and whatever she gets from guests. A LOT! way too much for one month. I'm whiped out. Having Christmas and 3 christmas dinners along with a birthday and an anniversary all within one week is NUTS!! Needless to say, we're broke before we get paid. (How does that work!?)
--Our next child will have to be planned accordingly. lol

Oh, and pssst... I lost 1 lb over the holidays!

Go me!

I'll end with this lol: (5:40 am xmas morning)

 

A Gluten For Punishment

Today was my second day of my 90 Day Challenge. I thought i did so well. I had so much more will power and motivation than i did yesterday. I even consumed less calories. Exercised a little, too.

My biggest weakness? Night time eating.

It appears that i am a gluten for punishment when the sun sets and L is in bed. I just dont have a little 2 year old keeping me on my toes and keeping me from eating out of bordem. When she goes to bed i have nothing to do, and if i do think of something, i dont want to do it. This is my relaxing time. If it wasnt so damn cold out i would go for a run every evening like i used to.
I want to lose weight this Christmas, not gain.

Gotta keep moving forward. Tomorrow will be better. Positive thinking.

90-Day Challenge!

I've decided to start a 90 day weight loss/ health/ fitness/ detoxing challenge!
I know its the holidays and everyone is going to be eating yummy christmas treats and dinner, but its no excuse to not to start.

My goal is to lose 10-12 lbs and about 4 inches, which means tone, tone tone!!
I've previously went from 172 (right before Leah was born) to 131, which is 6 lbs less than what i was before i got pregnant. Recently however, ive gained back 4 lbs. And as a mommy, im sure you know that you can get back down to your pre-pregnancy weight but your body will NOT look the same. So, i need to tone tone TONE! I'm ready to kick some butt! lol

I've subscribed to Blogilates on YouTube, and have been for a while, shes awesome.
If you want to do this Challenge then you can find out more here.

I'll keep updating on my progress! Feel free to let me know how your doing! :D
Merry Christmas!!!

Dear Santa

I realize its probably too late to send a letter by mail, so i thought, you know, that writing a letter to you online that's not getting sent at all will somehow work. Next year i promise to write a real letter because i want a letter back. Id like to know your thoughts on my (probably) annual requests.

As you know, i don't usually ask for anything at all. From you anyways. And i hope that it somehow works in my favor, because i need a legitimate gift from you and its quite a large request :)

This year Santa, i only ask for one thing and my requisition is this: sleep. Id like a whole week of it, uninterrupted.

You heard me right. Sleep. It can't be wrapped or put under the tree. It can't be opened or played with.
 I already had a long talk with The Man Upstairs. So its all good.

 If you can somehow fit enough magic in your big red bag to provide me with a weeks worth of uninterrupted nights full of blissful sleep, i promise to go to bed before 11pm every night. I all be ever so grateful!

Thanks,
One tired mama aka Megan.

Uneducated First Time Mama - But Still Proud.

Lately, I've been feeling guilty. Like i didn't make the right choices for Leahs birth or while she was an infant. I am ever so thankful for all of the support i receive from the lovely mamas on twitter. Life is easier with them in it. :') That being said, I've learned so much from them as well. I've learned things i never would have from just reading online or in books about pregnancy, birth, and infants. I really do wish i had been this educated while i was pregnant. There's nothing i can do about it now other than keep that information locked away in my brain for the next baby - whenever that may be.

I did experience a traumatic birth with Leah and there are so many things i could have done that COULD of helped. I'll never know. I'll never know if i had gotten a midwife, would that have been able to prevent Leah being strangled by her own umbilical during pushing. Or if there was something i could have done to prevent the use of foreceps. I'll never know a lot of things.
Only at 30 weeks did i find out that a previous ultrasound had found cysts on her brain at 18 weeks. Only at 36 weeks did i find out she had the cord wrapped around her neck twice.
Even before asking me what i wanted my OB told me "You're more than likely going to get an epidural. Because I've seen woman go naturally, and its not pretty".
There are a lot of things that i could have done. But instead of listing off any other i didn't do, i say the things i did do.

I found out i was pg at just 5 weeks and took my prenatal vitamin faithfully, everyday until i stopped breastfeeding.
I stayed as active as i could (walking to work, exercising)
Matt and i took prenatal classes, which ended 2 weeks before my edd.
I ate healthy and went to every doctors appointment.

And in the end, No matter the difficulties we had along the way, my beautiful 7lb 11oz baby girl came into the world just fine. She's still healthy and as smart as ever. Im blessed beyond words to have her. Everyday she makes me laugh.
My positive way of looking at it: whatever i did or didn't do, she's here and we love her and she loves us.
Its these next years that really count to help guide her to become the person she chooses to be. I am her mother and her role model. I can't screw this up. I won't screw this up.

Sleep Regression Stress

Okay, seriously?
She's 2 weeks away from being two and she still wakes up at night. Usually for 1.5-2.5 hours at a time.
I just don't get it. What happened to needing 12 hours of sleep?
With potty training right now - pretty much from scratch again - i've been so stressed out. I need my sleep!

I've been fighting hard against another burn out and, thankfully, she's going to bed like a charm lately. Only 15 min and she's out, compared to an hour its a HUGE improvment and i can definetly live with that! Now we just need to somehow get her out of this waking up at night, wide awake and tossing and turning.

Is it neccesary for the "terrible twos" to bring with it sleep regression, new potty training troubles AND temper tantrums?! No, i don't think so.

Terrible Twos Are Terrible!

"Leah The Terrible"

No one has to tell me we're entering that "terrible twos" stage - im already aware of that. Where did that sweet, cooperative, friendly little girl go? She's still in there. But ocassionally, "Leah the terrible" will show her face. She's a crazy, whiney, kicking & screaming tantruming mess! She doesn't like to be talked to, touched, or soothed - she's impossible.

Earlier today we went for a walk downtown to do a little shopping and stop at the library. At the store she was good; she got out of her stroller but followed me everywhere and listened when i said "put that back please" ;she even helped a little boy and his mom clean up a bubblegum wrapper that he ripped up! I bought some things for stocking stuffers and at the cash she started to BAWL when she saw her stickers up on the counter (this is a regular thing -she thinks shes not going to get it back or something). After they were rang through i let her hold them. By that time she had noticed the bags of candy and chocolate hanging on the wall RIGHT at her eye level (damn those store owners! *shakes fist* they asked for it!) and started to point at it saying "treeeeaaaatt!!". The store is very tiny and compact so with 3 other people bunched behind and to the side of me, i needed to move my butt and get out of there. I took leah's hand while pushing the stroller and said "How about we go to the library and look at some books?". No way was she having that. Right there and then she threw herself down right in front of the door. Finally i got us out of the store and made her sit down on the step to calm down before we left. It took 10 minutes and some negotiating. We stopped and got chips lol.

We made it to the library, and just as i picked up the first book to look at, she climbs out of her stroller. I was okay with that but i needed to whipe her hands since they were all cheesy. Thats when the meltdown from hell happened! Flopped down on the floor kicking, screaming, crying, the whole package! I quickly went to the check out and left her there crying (it wasnt far from me- i could still see her, and there was no one else there lol). Then i picked her up and walked to the elevator, and she starts crying even louder. I asked her if she wanted to go look at the books and colour (which is on another floor) but she just kept screaming so i went to the main floor entrance in the lobby. The crying continued but she finally said yes to lookig at books, so i took her downstairs. She insisted on staying in my arms and was still whiney and didnt want to do ANYTHING! I packed up after 10 min of trying to get her comfortable enough to go play. We left and it was a BATTLE to get her in her stroller and strapped in. The whole way home she was hanging out and flopping down so her boots dragged on the ground. By this time the crying had tured into a constant struggle for breath, while she cried of course. She was just so upset. Speaking nicely and calm to her did nothing but make it worse. i had no choice but to just walk home with her like that. When we got home 10 min later she went right to time out until she calmed down.

So, all this coupled with trying to potty train, its been a complete and utter NIGHTMARE!
I just dont get it. She will go to the potty EVERY single time when she has no underwear or anything on. But as soon as she has underwear on she pees right through them. I understand that shes learning, but we've been doing this for almost 2 weeks straight now, and she knows where and when to go! If i dont put pants on her immedietly after taking her diaper off from the night, she'll go to the potty. But once the pants are on, not a chance. Or if in between me putting another pair of pants on her she has to go, she'll go to the potty!

Its insane, and i dont know what to do.

Im facing major burn out, and a nervous breakdown is a weekly thing.

Sleep Problems. What's New?

It seems to be a cycle. She'll sleep through the night for a month or two, then wake up 1-2 times for another 2-3 months. It's incredibly more difficult than it used to be.

Dark circles under the eyes is the new look in this household. Its getting to the point that i put on my Garnier dark eye roller before bed AND when i wake up, and possibly on my way back to bed after putting leah down for the second or third time. By the time 7pm rolls around and leah is in bed, im legitimately done for the evening, and ready for bed! But then, of course i need to socialize and text friends/family, go on facebook for 2 min, go on twitter for 30, and maybe blog -- maybe not --, and read.
I NEED this vital me time! Its imperative and i need a little self indulgence, otherwise... i'll probably lose the little bit of samity im clinging onto for dear life!

So, here's how my night was last night:
11pm- went to bed (prob fell asleep somewhere a little after 1130)

1am- Leah wakes up. I easily rock her back to sleep.
330am- Matt comes home, i hear the shower, go talk to him for a bit and naturally, i was wide awake.

4am- i attempt sleep (without any luck)
530am- (still havent fell back to sleep) Leah wakes up. I rock her.
630am- Leahs still not asleep. I give up. Matt takes over. Shes balling because of course, no one can do it ONLY ME!!! ugh!

Finally after this i fell asleep without any trouble and Matt was able to get her to sleep. Thank God! She slept til 8. Whoopy-effing-DOO! I got a combined total of 5 very broken up hours of sleep! It doesn't sound terrible but when you break it into an hour and a half increments its brutal.

So, who has advice? Anyone? Anyone at all? ....hm. yeah. Thats what i thought.
Thanks for reading anyways.
:)

A Discomposure For My Indecisive Lifestyle

Something clicked in today and made me think. I'm definetly the most indecisive person i know. And it scared the hell out of me.
How is it possible to be so afriad of commitment?
I don't want to provide an unstable foundation for my children.

I am 22 years old and i dont know what i want to do with my life. I don't know where its going. Does that make me a bad person? A bad mother?

I know 17 year olds who know exactly what they want to do with their lives and when they are going to do it. Seventeen!! When i was 17 i was suppose to graduate highschool, but didnt. I decided to screw my life up just enough so i can learn the hardest way possible.
Since then, i think i've changed my mind at least 10 times on what i want to do career wise. I always find a reason or an excuse as to why i change my mind.

My mom has gone to college 4 times. Hair styling, social worker, dental assistant, and hair again. Finally, shes sticking to hair. But who knows for how long.
My problem here, is that ive changed my mind so many time on a career path that i'm afraid i'll put money into something i don't like at all once i start it, and actually get out in the field.

Today, Matt said to me "If i get this promotion we can finally start saving for a house."

I told him i don't want a house. But i do. I just cant.
I want our house to be our "forever home". Maybe move houses twice. Tops. To me, buying a house at this age and so unsure about what we are going to do with the rest of our lives or where its going to take us, is unnerving. My family lives out east. His family is all here. In the past we both have dicussed that we would LOVE to live out east, some day.
After talking about it for a while he comes back and says to me "So, you'd rather jump from apartment to apartment or town house to town house than live in your own home? I don't."

 And thats not what i want.
I'm just... afraid.

I feel like the most unstable, inconsistent, and unpredictable individual ever. I don't feel like its normal. It can't be. Its one of the worst feelings ever -- to not know what you truley want.
What's wrong with me?