Without a doubt, there are days i sit and wonder what things would have been like had L not come along. Its not like before her we had lives. lol We didnt really. Most days were spent being lovie-dovie, watching movies, & going on mini dates. He used to be a partier. Me, not so much. We lived with his dad, rent free, worry free.
We moved here, on our own about 8 months ago, so we don't know anyone. I started work about 2 months ago, and i just started to meet some people actually living here. A few nights ago i was asked to go out to a house party. (Please Note: I've only ever been to 2 house parties in my life, & they were NOTHING like this one!) I wont say much, but i did have a good time talking and seeing a new friend. It was nice to get out and socialize with other people. They just wouldn't of been my first choice of people, but it was an experience in itself lol.
Some people say that they would never have a child now, because they wouldnt have a life. But thats the point. They are your life. Say what you want but i would prefer spending the day with my daughter cuddled on the couch or having tea parties with her stuffed animals than going out and making a fool of myself partying it up. I definetly thought of L pretty much the entire time, and even talked about her (maybe a little too much) lol. Does that make me crazy? I spent a lot time there thinking about how this is "what could have been".
I will admit there are the few times i think about how easy everything would be if i was a childless, worry-free woman. But i almost always end that thought by looking at my sweet, crazy, beautiful little baby (whose not really a baby anymore) just smiling and knowing this is Gods plan. If we had been more "careful" then the child we would have had down the road would not have been our Leah, and she is so very special. Neither of us would take it back or do anything different, no matter how hard things have been.
Theres not a day that goes by that im not thankful for my daughter. She is the air i breathe. I live for her. Being a mother at my age definitely isnt for everyone. But since the beginning, i knew this was what i was meant to be.
My son was definitely a surprise, but in retrospect, the best surprise I'll probably ever get. Not many of my local friends have children, so it's easy for me to fall into habits of wishing I was responsibility free...until I take one look at my little one and then I know I wouldn't trade it for the world.
ReplyDelete