I've been able to keep this out of my mine pretty easily up until now. Life has been busy lately, and it was only today that i realized just how close the 20th is. Its this Thursday, 4 days away, 2 days before my birthday!
This Thursday, my Nanny is going in for a hip-replacement surgery. I talked to her about a week and a half ago and she said "i didn't know, but there is more to this surgery than i realized. Im going to need a lot of help for a while, and not able to move much for 6 weeks." I could tell she was nervous. It broke my heart and i didn't know what to say. I reassured her that luckily, my mom will be flying in to help her for 6 weeks. Im so happy my mom is able to make it down to see her and be there. Otherwise i would do it in a heart beat.
Last night, i had a dream about her. She was scared. She got in the car with my grandad and as they started to drive away to the hospital, ei could hear her crying so loudly that i heard it from the house. I was sobbing in my dream, and woke up heartbroken.
I would have called her today but it was really busy again. Tomorrow i will call her, talk to her, hopefully comfort her. She's one of the most important women in my life. She's basically another mother to me. We've always been so close. I can't help but to feel her fear, nervousness, and anxieties - even if she somehow isn't feeling it, i am.
I love my Nanny so much. She's an incredible, beautiful, sweet person. I am so lucky and blessed to have her in my life. She holds a huge place in my heart.
It breaks my heart more that i can't be there with her.
As i lay here, tossing and turning, eyes watering, tired but unable to sleep - somehow this has helped me numb the worry.
Unfortunately, Im sure the rest of the week is going to play out much like tonight. Thursday can't come and go fast enough.
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