Nightmares or Night Terrors??

Its just that, except i think the name is geared more towards parents than the child. Possibly the scariest thing to witness.

Where do i start?...

This night time waking was happening quite a bit; she'd wake up fussing, whining, whimpering. By the time i was out of bed it was crying. By the time i opened her door it was screaming. As i reasched her crib screaming turned to screaming, crying, blood curdling whaling! Eyes open, sitting straight up she sees me and throws herself down into her bed screaming louder. I try to calm her but rubbing her back, she fights and resists. Atempt to give her some milk, the swats and it and throws it, still screaming. Then i try to pick her up and she almosts flies out of my arms and throws her self around her bed until she has her head burried into her pillow off to the corner. This whole time shes crying out "Mommy! Mommy!! Mommeeeeee!!" & i keep saying "Im here Leah, Mommy is here. Its ok!" But its like she cant hear me, & shes just so completely confused- she doesnt know what she wants. At this point i didnt know what else to do but to walk out. The screaming continues, and gets louder. I cant take it. Its only a min, if that, and im back in there trying to comfort her somehow. Eventually i force her to come with me in my arms. I sit in the rocking chair with her and hug her while she continues screaming and crying. Finally, my patients are wearing thin and i kinda lose it. I raise my voice and say "Leah!! Thats enough, stop! Tell mommy whats wrong." (She doesnt usually tell me- per say but she almost always points to what she wants). She stops crying for just a moment. 5 seconds comes to an end and its screaming again and now pointing out the door. I say "Do you want to go out?" She screams even louder! Occasionally i will take her out of the room and walk around with her in my arms. It never goes well when i sit back down again, whether it be in her room or mine.
Some nights i rock with her until she goes back to sleep, other nights i bring her to our bed. Both times thative brought her to our bed, Matt has left and went to sleep on the couch since he gets up early for work. So its just the two of us. She lays around, stares around, for SO long! I'm talkin 90min- 2 hours! Neither of us get much sleep on these nights.
Its just come to attention that this could possibly be night terrors, so im not completely sure what could be triggering it, if this is what it is.
Two days ago she had a nap at 2:30-4:45. She usually naps at 1-3(:30). I knew she wasnt going to be tired when bedtime rolled around but i wanted to stick to her routine, so i started her bed time routine at 8. We brrushed teeth, had milk during stories, said prayers, say a few songs then just rocked for a while. A long while. 30 minutes passed by and she was still wide eyed looking around. I continued to rock her for another 15-20 minutes. She was still wide awake, but laying in my arms and cuddling comfortably, occassionally sitting up then laying down again. After an hour of rocking her i stood up and put her in her bed. She started to cry. (No, im not too happy that i had to let her cry for ten minutes but i had to BREATHE! I wasbeyond frustrated and i didnt want to take it out on her) --(Que argument with Matt [thats another story])-- Ten minutes passed and i went back in. Rocked her somemore and she finally was tired enough to let me put her in bed about 15-20 minutes later.
This was the last night that she woke up with what i believe to be a night terror! So, im thinking... forced sleep may be the cause?

Sister-in-law's son had night terrors for a short period. (At least thats what she called it, i think he just  bad night mares) She told me that Leah was too young for Night terrors. I did some reading and some research. Turns out, shes not too young. Night terrors can start as early as 18 months & ive even heard of some cases even younger!

Last night it took about 45-60min to get her into bed. But she did NOT wake up.

I'm really looking for some feedback here so if you have any advice or if you can tell me weather you think this is night terrors or nightmares, i would greatly appreciate it! If there is something i should be doing to help prevent this, please let me know! I don't mind waking up to comfort her, but when she wont let me? Thats frustrating, and heartbreaking.

Babywearing A Toddler

Right from the beginning, I've always wanted to wear my daughter. Why i didnt is completely beyond me. I practiced in prenatal classes and looked for one at different stores. I wanted the wrap! Had i had twitter at the time i think it would have been more exposed to online shops or even making my own! Having twitter has opened my eyes to a whole new light. Just because my Leah is 20 months old now, i dont think thats any reason for me not to start. I mean, its better late then never right?

I want a ring sling now, since i think that would be best for a toddler, and it makes me happy that i can wear her until she is about 35lbs! Meaning i will still have at least a year and a half of wearing her! Its been on my mind more now that i have been reading more about attatchment parenting and practising it! I feel this would help me to connect better with her, and have a bond that were weren't able to have before, and obviously help to establish a better mindframe of this attatchment parenting method!

What really just pushed me and inspired me to just go for it was a blog post i read of a story similar to mine. I can't wait to start! I'm ordering a Ring Sling online on Monday!! I hope it comes quickly!! Leah loves so much to be up with me ALL the time. I dont know why i havent done this before. It'll be so much more convenient!

A Single Night of Co-Sleeping

I don't know what it is, but sometimes Leah will wake up at night crying, screaming even! I go in and she doesnt even want to touched, let alone picked up. It kind of scares me; i dont know whats wrong and shes hysterically crying, and wont let me do anything! I actually had to leave (which brought on even worse crying) and came back in less than a minute later. THEN she was ready to be picked up. She seemed almost scared. I just hope this isnt night terrors! She pointed to the door so i went out and she said "Dada?" in her sweet, groggy, sobbing voice. I brought her into Daddy and he was so happy that she asked for him. Daddy decided to sleep on the couch so Leah could sleep with me. (He gets up really early for work) I think she was probably up for an hour and a half just sitting around, laying down-wide awake, or playing with my hair. Co-Sleeping is something shes not used to (mostly because she cant sleep, and would rather play), but she eventually backed up into me, grabbed my arms and wrapped it around her.

My heart melted then.

I passed out. Im guessing shortly after she did too. But i woke up at one point and she had a handful of my hair, tangled into her hand. Silly girl!

She woke up at 7:30 am, which im not used to since she usually waked up at 8:30. Plus i was really hoping she would sleep in since she was up for a while!

I have to work this evening, so im pretty sad i cant take her to the park again.

We'll have to go before work! :)

-M.

An Awesome Day

Today i realized how quickly a child can learn! She is really trying to talk  these days. Almost every word i asked her to say, she atleast tried. I asked her to say GREEN, she said "Gwee"! I LOVE hearing her little voice. Im probably being biased but i love little girl voices :P

Im really striving to full-on use the Attatchment Parenting Method. Its coming along great! I Feel like we have a closer bond. Ive even seen a difference with her around her daddy too. She really loves playing with him! Actually, she loves playing in general.

I don't jump everytime she gets hurt because really, she doesnt make a big deal out of it herself. Sometime she will scrape her arm on something and she'll say "ouch!" she'll hold it, scrunch up her face, lightly close her eyes and pretend to "whine" a little while walking towards me. I don't deny her feel-better-kisses. It comforts her and makes me feel important.

I have to say, she was really well-behaved today. Im impressed and proud of her. I recently looked in her mouth while brushing and found 3 more MOLARS!! This girl is a champ! Seriously, she got her first tooth at 5.5 months old and had ALL of them besides molars before she turned one! Now shes got ALL of her two-year molars and didnt even break a sweat!

Bedtime did take a little longer than normal but its the first time in 5 or so days its taken that long. And im pleased to say, there was no crying :) She must have just been restless. She fell asleep while i was rocking her and lightly scratching her back. she woke up briefly and pointed to her bed very groggy. I put her in and she was out. This is what i call success!

I work tomorrow night, so im a little worried that she might have a hard time with Daddy at bedtime. He usually does fine, so im not overly worried though.

<3

-M.

A Better Way

Lately, I've been looking into Attachment Parenting. I know is a bit late, but better late than never.

While doing some reading though, i did realize that i already do some of these things. But there was a lot i didn't do.

For a while now I've been desperately reading and doing some trial and error to find what will work best for us in terms of discipline, coddling, and bedtime.

 As you know, from my previous post; I've learned my lesson. I WILL NOT allow her to "cry it out". I can't even express how terrible i STILL feel about that. Instead, i rock with her a little longer until she is completely ready to go to bed. The extra cuddles are nice. And i don't want to wish this away too quickly.

She absolutely loves to be with me; in my arms, snuggling, holding my hand, she even prefers me pushing her stroller over Daddy. Lol. In the morning, it has to be me who gets her out of bed, otherwise we have an apocalyptic melt down on our hands. Its hard on daddy sometimes- frustrating and upsetting. But he will have his moment in the spotlight. Until then, Im soaking up the love and attention i get. One day i will wake up and she'll be 20.

 I've also been trying to spend more one-on-one time with her. Its one thing to be in the same room & watching a movie without communicating. Its another, and way more beneficial and satisfying to interact with each other, & have complete focus.

Its just our third day trying this. Last night Leah said "ewow" for yellow, and "powpow" for purple. Today she is realizing how many things in our house, especially her room- are yellow and purple.

 I absolutely adore this age. She is so full of wonder and learning so quickly!

I was worried she may have a speech delay. She says a lot of words like (go, no, eye, hat, woof, what's that, juice, cheesie) and other simple little words but she does A LOT of pointing and moaning at things. And that's the way she prefers to communicate with us over trying to talk. But I've noticed a change in her already since i started to really sit down and have "conversations" with her. She rambles on about stuff in her own little language, and that makes me smile.

Paying close attention to her needs or wants and seeing things the way she does, getting to her level, and approaching her differently are all things i plan to either do, or change. I won't go back to doing things as i did before.

Now, to inform DH how things are going to be around here from now on ;)

 Leah, I will love you every single day of forever.

 -M.

Never Again!

Dear Leah,

Tonight, i am not proud of myself as a mother. TONIGHT, you can call me a bad mother.

Never again will i let you “cry it out” to go to sleep. You are a big girl, I know. Four months away from being TWO! But if its cuddles you want to help you get into your sleepy, relaxed mood to go to sleep- then so be it. That being said, its no hard task to do- i love cuddling. Its just, when putting you into bed takes an hour or more i get a little impatient, especially after which you are still gazing up at me with those big blues.

Tonight we sat together in your rocking chair for a little while i sang “You Are My Sunshine” to you a bunch of times. Then i put you in your bed. Instantly you cried, but i walked out. You usually go to sleep. Tonight, you didn’t. 40 minutes later you were still screaming. I thought you were just being stubborn (you can be)! The next 15 min you were “dozing off”, i could tell. Your cries would stop. Then start up again.

Finally, i decided to go to you. I opened the door and you were standing. I looked a little closer- your leg was stuck between the bars again! That WHOLE time you were “dozing off” standing up! Like i said, not a proud moment for me.

Never Again. Im so sorry.

After i freed your leg, i picked you up, grabbed your blanket and your favorite teddy “dreamy bear” and cuddled you in the rocking chair. We just stared at each other for the longest time. I smiled, and you smiled right back at me.

This broke my heart.

Call me a bad mother, tonight. Because it won’t happen again. That i can promise.

This takes a lot for me to admit to this- but maybe, this will help someone out there who is wondering if they should try the “cry-it-out” method. Coming from someone who has who has experienced it- it may work when they are really small, but if it causes you as much heart break as it clearly causes them, then just do what you think is right. Rock them, hold them, lay with them etc. They are only babies for so long. In the end, it might never work anyways. Then you both went through heart ache for nothing.

Keep your babies close, hug them, kiss them, cuddle them, and love them. They are only this small for such a short time. One day they won’t want you around anymore at bedtime. Let that day come on its own.

Baby girl,
I will love you every single day of forever. Xo

-Mommy

Enjoy the little things. One day you will realize, they were the big things.

Dear Leah,

Today was so much better than yesterday. You had an amazing nap and when it hit bedtime you went without a fuss. We did our usual routine; brush teeth, stories, prayers, but when it came time for a song you pointed your little finger at me and said “No.”, pointed to your bed and i put you in. Them you looked at me and said “go”

(Who is this KID- not baby- communicating with me??!)

I said “night-night” and left. You were quiet for about 35 min. Then you started to cry. I went in, hoping you didn’t get your legs stuck between the bars again (yes the crib rails are back up!!). You were fine. About 20 more min of you crying out i couldn’t take it anymore. I went in and i rocked you.

I did something i hadn’t done in such a long time. As i was snuggling you i pressed your blanket up to the side of your face and over the top of your head. Your eyes closed automatically. I started to lightly rub above your eyebrow and down the bridge of your tiny nose. So sweet. :)
All i could think was how much smaller that little nose used to be, how much you’ve grown, how we don’t really even fit in the rocking chair comfortably anymore. You hang off so much lol.

When you have a child, time seems to fly by so fast. For many reasons. 1- babies grow at an astonishingly fast paste 2- they are your kids and You want them to stay small 3- your so preoccupied trying to take care of their every need, you have no time to think of anything else.

A year and a half isn’t that long at all but when you look at how much a child changes, its scary.

You frustrate me sometimes, but i love you more than anything else in the world. You make me the happiest person in the world by just saying “Mommy”. My heart melts.
Love you every single day of forever :)

-Mommy

Today Can Go To Hell!

Dear Leah,

Today was unacceptable! Coming home from work to a destroyed house and news of no nap is not okay! I don't know how you made such a huge mess - I'll just blame this one on daddy (cue eye rolling and bitch face). Still, you having no nap creates a whole whirl wind of trouble for both of us! And you have no excuse! I saw you sitting on the couch drinking from your sippy cup and you looked ready to pass out. I've never seen you have such big bags under your eyes.

After daddy left i tried to put you in for a nap again. I know- i should have known . Shortly after our mini WWIII you fell asleep leaning up against me. You slept for 30-40 min. That's all i could allow for a 6pm nap, Im sorry! 615-930 was complete HELL!! You've never been so cranky and miserable and defiant. I just want you to know that because of tonight, my self esteem as a mother is at its all time low :( Lately you haven't been listening, you get off time out, you get into things you didn't use to, it takes me almost 2 hours to get you to go sleep. This just isn't a good feeling.
Also, when you don't nap you get over tired and end up waking up a couple times at night. - which by the way, you better stay sleeping miss.

 Im exhausted. I need to sleep in order to rebuild some patience for tomorrow.
Ah, so this is terrible twos? Lord, please give me strength, and patience! Contemplating on saying, screw this, the toddler rails are coming off and your going back into your full crib! I can't do this again tomorrow. Please, try to listen to me. I love you.
 -Mommy