The Hardest Job Ever

When i heard my mom or my grandmother saying “this is the hardest job you will ever have!” - did i ever think how completely and brutally honest they were being. There’s no exaggeration in that statement. Being a parent is emotionally, physically, psychologically exhausting.

How do you know if your doing it right? I mean, yeah- they will be happy. But how do you know that they will turn out okay and be proud of who they are and who their parents are? Its scary.

I’ve never been so afraid in my whole life. Its terrifying.

I get judged because im a young mother. Pretty sure i get those cranky mid-life crisis mother stares that are either judging or jealous. Most are probably judging. Everyone has insecurities. And yeah, when you come at me attacking my parenting style or the way i do or handle situations Im going to break down mentally. I will get thoughts of being a complete failure in every possible way. I will look at my little girl and think “why don’t they think she’s perfect like i do?”

Tomorrow i will be in the presence of some family who i don’t think intentionally try to make me feel like a complete failure, but do. I always leave feeling guilt. Like her lkids are up on a pedestal because she makes them sit next to her every 5 min for a time out. They end up looking completely sad and miserable and having to say sorry all the time.

You know, getting them to say sorry all the time just gets them to lie. YOU are sorry they did it. THEY are too young to actually know what sorry is. 2 and 4 year olds can’t comprehend that shit. So, in their future. Their “sorry’s” will be empty promises of “they won’t do it again”. Liars.

My daughter won’t be a liar.

Ugh tomorrow will come and end and i will probably blog a silly post of all my insecurities. Or of all of their stupid ways of making their kids look like they are well behaved. You can count on it.

But i really shouldn’t feel that way, i know that. But how can a parent not feel some type of fear?

Maybe Im just writing this because Leah and i had a bad day. I wasn’t patient as i should have been. Potty training has gone pretty much out the window.

Here’s to having more patience for tomorrow. I gotta get my shit together and stop having “parental- temper tantrums” she’s a baby and not a little adult.
This book- 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan- is an amazing book! It really made me look at things a lot differently. And now, i can laugh about it (parental temper tantrums & little adults). You would be amazed at how many ppl do this. Its an automatic thing we do without knowing it.

One last thing i want to add:
Dear Leah,
Being a young mom meant that we met a little early; but i get to love you a little longer. Some people said my life ended when i had a baby, but my life just started. You didn’t take away my future, you gave me a new one.

I will love you every single day of forever.
-M.