I'm going to be completely honest. Before, I didn't think depression was as bad as people says it is. Always figured it was just people playing it up for attention. Don't get me wrong, I never said anything bad or unsupportive to someone who had depression. Nor did I ignore them. Its just the way I thought. My sister in law suffers from on going depression and my very good friend is also currently taking anti depressants.
It wasn't until I was diagnosed with depression that it became real. And maybe even a little worse at times. I mean, your so thankful for the help and treatment and the knowledge that hey, you will get better. But, also, the knowledge that there is something wrong with you. You need medication to be "normal", is sort of a bummer. I'm thankful, though, that this is just a "temporary me", I'm not actually this messed up. I'm just...not the real me, not well at the moment. And thats a relief. I should of seen this coming, and maybe I did. Or maybe I've had this longer than I thought.
I really hate being that whiney, cranky girl who never has anything good to say, or the negative attention seeking person who hates her life (which i dont). Im really not trying to get pitty or attention. Most of the time im just looking for a "i totally get it" or something along those lines. To know that THIS is normal. And im not really all that psycho. I am so thankful for all the support from friends I have in the twitter world. Without you I would be alone, and lost. Seriously. I love you. Your amazing people.
One day i will be that person with the happy life, everything going good, no worries, no troubles. I've put my trust in God, and I know He will help get me through this. But that doesn't mean its been easier on me. I know this is real life, and these things things happen. Its apart of my life now, apart of me...and I have to be okay with that.
Very well written! Its like your explaining how it is for every person experiencing depression. Hang in there mama the worst is almost over!
ReplyDeleteOh hunny don't get too hug up on 'normal'. I mean what IS normal anyways? I think a lot of the tattoo'd metal encrusted people of the world are more productive members of society than a lot of 'normal' people. Those living in 'abnormal' relationships often have more 'normal' loving happy lives than many of us 'normal' folk. I could go on but honestly there is no real normal anymore & I really think that if everybody was as brave and honest as you have been there would be a lot more people beig treated for depression in this world. This is a hard place to be & thrive!! You've inspired me to take another honest look at my world & I am considering a visit to the dr. So I Thankyou! This will be short lived for you. You will feel better
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