Diagnosed

I don't think I have to explain why and how life has been crazy lately. Well, beyond crazy actually. Almost unbearable. If you've read any posts I've written this month you'll just know. Things aren't ever a "walk in the park" for us.
Sometime in high school it clicked to me that..."damn girl! You ALWAYS learn the hard way! Always biting off more than you can chew! Always making the wrong decisions!"
And honestly? Those sayings still stand today. Why?!!! I've been asking myself this over and over and OVER!

Lately, I've really tried to dig deep into my faith and pull it out. I recently finished reading The Vow, and I honestly don't think it could have come into my hands at a better time. I felt like it really spoke to me. Like REALLY. It made me bawl. Well, most things do these days.... Anyways, I realized how far I've wandered away from the Lord. I cried over that, cried to Him, cried about everything, ha. But seriously. I did. I wrote my prayers in a journal, speaking very specifically to Him. I'm ready to put my trust in Him again. Let Him lead me.

These last few weeks have been HARD. Really HARD. Ive been pretty absent in the Twitter and facebook department.
It scared me how different ive been feeling, how un-me i felt. How...well, worthless and pathetic. Incompetant. Unworthy. You name it, i felt it. Every shower resulted in me at the bottom, head in my hands, sulking. Brutal. Ugly. I feel dragged down, exhausted, drained, empty. It took a lot of breakdowns, crying, yelling, etc. But today I decided to go see a doctor about it.

Depression.

Antidepressants.
--apparently the more "natural kind" which also happens to not be addictive. I was given lots of information from the doctor and pharmacist. It'll probably be 3 weeks until it starts kicking in.

So, here's to THIS chapter of my life.

*cheers* (or not, since...you know, I don't drink...)

:)

P.s. I don't mean to give you sob stories in hope for pitty. Because, honestly? I don't want your pitty. I don't know what I want. Sleep maybe. And a vacation. More sleep. Chocolate. Yeah....that.