The first week postpartum, i spent sleeping in a reclining chair. I was unbelievably sore and torn badly. I moved very little. Thankfully i was breast feeding then and just started to supplement formula, as i wasn't producing enough and we had problems getting a proper latch. My sweet, newborn baby girl slept with me. Tucked nicely against me. I remember my mom waking up (We lived with her for 2 months) and saying "Megan, you can't let her sleep there with you. Its going to be a really hard habit to break!" Of course, as a new and uneducated mother (i thought i was educated then, now i think otherwise), i just wanted what i thought was going to be the easiest and best for all of us.
When i healed enough to sleep or relax in a bed, i kept my little newborn there with me too. Eventually, with much discussion, unfortunately, we decide to move her into her bassinet. Little did we know that for the next two years we would still be experiencing sleep problems. Who knows, maybe co-sleeping is what we were meant to be doing with L. We'll never know. What i do know, is that i regret it. However 'hard' it would have been to break her of it, we would of dealt with it then. I don't think it could be as bad as two years worth of sleep issues.
After we made the decision to stop having her sleep in our bed, she has slept everywhere: car seat ;infant chair ;bassinet ;crib. She never seemed to be comfortable in either one, and it didn't even come to me that maybe co-sleeping was the better idea.
Last night we bought big girl Pjs for her. They are the flannel ones, and they're absolutely adorable. M commented and said "she really does look like such a big girl with those on". I couldn't help but to pick her up and just hug, cuddle and kiss her cheeks to pieces. I didn't want to let her go. Sadly, you can only hang onto a toddler for so long before the monster comes out. I told M that sometimes, i really wish she would sleep in our bed with us. He said he wishes that too. But of course, now she won't even try to sleep. She thinks its play time or something.
I've said this before, and unfortunately, I'll say it again. L is my trial and error child. I think not 'first' children are. You can read as many pregnancy books or new mother books you want, it won't make yet a professional. Your not going to know the answer to everything. Im not saying reading is bad because obviously its not. Being pregnant there isn't really any other way for you to educate yourself. Having your *own* child and developing your *own* way of parenting and what works for you, makes you educated. But even then, as we already know, all children are different.
If i could offer advice to a new mother, i would tell them. Do what you really want. Listen to your heart. If you want to sleep cuddling your infant, then just do it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing your love that way. Your going to come across obstacles no matter what you choose. So if co sleeping is what you want, then go for it.
Some nights, i just want my little girl to cuddle in bed with me. For now, ill settle with cuddles on the couch with movies.
No comments:
Post a Comment