I'm going to be completely honest. Before, I didn't think depression was as bad as people says it is. Always figured it was just people playing it up for attention. Don't get me wrong, I never said anything bad or unsupportive to someone who had depression. Nor did I ignore them. Its just the way I thought. My sister in law suffers from on going depression and my very good friend is also currently taking anti depressants.
It wasn't until I was diagnosed with depression that it became real. And maybe even a little worse at times. I mean, your so thankful for the help and treatment and the knowledge that hey, you will get better. But, also, the knowledge that there is something wrong with you. You need medication to be "normal", is sort of a bummer. I'm thankful, though, that this is just a "temporary me", I'm not actually this messed up. I'm just...not the real me, not well at the moment. And thats a relief. I should of seen this coming, and maybe I did. Or maybe I've had this longer than I thought.
I really hate being that whiney, cranky girl who never has anything good to say, or the negative attention seeking person who hates her life (which i dont). Im really not trying to get pitty or attention. Most of the time im just looking for a "i totally get it" or something along those lines. To know that THIS is normal. And im not really all that psycho. I am so thankful for all the support from friends I have in the twitter world. Without you I would be alone, and lost. Seriously. I love you. Your amazing people.
One day i will be that person with the happy life, everything going good, no worries, no troubles. I've put my trust in God, and I know He will help get me through this. But that doesn't mean its been easier on me. I know this is real life, and these things things happen. Its apart of my life now, apart of me...and I have to be okay with that.
